CHAPTER 9

THE DEATH OF LOLIAD-R-KAHN

My own passing well illustrates the aftermath of violent death, although there are as many variables as there are streams of emotional experiences.

It was a beautiful spring day in Suerne, perhaps one of the happiest
days of my life. Though still a comparatively young man I had acquired
three wives and a fine family. It was openly whispered that one day I
would become the leader of my people. The air was clear and warm,
fragrant with the perfume of early spring flowers. Colour was
everywhere, from the brilliant banks of blossoms set in emerald green
grass, to the blue of the sky. It was a happy time and the peace of the
land surely overflowed into the heart of the observer.

A special joy and excitement filled the air for a few of my colleagues
had received word on the previous evening that the Enlightened One would
take one of his rare walks among the people: Dressed as one of them,
and therefore not to be readily recognised, unless it be by his bearing.
We few who were able to read auras without instrument, prepared to
delight in easy recognition. Indeed it was for the rare opportunity of
being able to study the aura of one so illustrious during an off guard
moment that we could hardly contain our pleasurable excitement.

Having received word of this event, together with an indication of the
proposed route, my friends and I had stationed ourselves upon a flat
rooftop overlooking the street by which the Enlightened One was
scheduled to pass.

The leader of our people -- The Enlightened One -- was the son of a
leather worker. He made the final decisions on all matters of state
policy, and spiritual matters, having been chosen for his demonstrated
ability and knowledge. Now well advanced in years, he embodied the ideal
of all Kheans. What aurotic splendour we would behold as he passed by!

We had selected a house with a flat roof for our vigil. The overhang of
the roof extended some three feet beyond the walls of the house, a
common custom designed to shade the walls from the direct rays of the
summer sun. In this particular house a low parapet had been built around
the outside edge of the roof as decoration and some protection. Perhaps
a previous owner had sat there with his small children playing about
him, I know not, only that such a parapet was unusual. We had selected
this site because of it, and had chosen a place where we might sit
comfortably, awaiting the moment of the leader's passing without drawing
attention to ourselves.

Being uninformed of the time of day when the Enlightened One would take
his stroll, we had gathered at dawn, and leaving one of our group always
posted near the edge of the roof to keep a look out for his approach,
the remainder sat at ease chatting and laughing.

One man recounted the known facts of the leader's life. We discussed
his scientific achievements, his good works, his participation in Khe's
spiritual advancement, the beauty of his bearing, the calm of his
features. Such stories served only to further our anticipation, and soon
each preconscious was becoming over excited.

Time passed with seeming slowness, impatience adding its subtle spur to
our growing restlessness. Finally when the watchers urgent ejaculation
"Here he comes" burst out, we rushed forward in a single body.

In retrospect it is easy to see how eagerness overcame caution, with
myself in particular, for I had a great respect for the knowledge this
man had acquired. He represented the epitome of my ambitions, for he was
able to serve The Master better than any of my people. To have
visualized such an aura would have taught me a great deal about
self improvement.

But the inflamed physical mind blotted out all spiritual warnings. As I
sprang I forward I stumbled. My body came into heavy contact with the
parapet, a portion of which broke away. I fell into the street below
where my body lay in an inert, ungainly position, the neck broken. After
having a sensation of falling I felt nothing.

At the moment of death, the essence and the aura separated from my body
and there were three of us; two looking down at the lifeless form of the
third who had been Loliad in the flesh. Each of the two onlookers
wondered momentarily what they were doing standing free of the flesh,
which did not rise to greet the great Metaphysical Leader of Khe.

As a crowd gathered our leader approached. Gently he moved the people
aside, his bearing commanding respectful acceptance of his right to move
to the front. He glanced briefly at the lifeless figure on the ground
before him. His lips pursed momentarily, then glancing upwards his
magnificent brown eyes focused themselves directly upon the two of us
standing side by side rather aimlessly; he spoke.

"Thou hast no more need of me Loliad, for the teacher has now become
thy pupil. Goodbye my friend, we shall meet no more."

With these words, spoken as into the air, the leader turned away from
us. Head high, a look of deep compassion on his face, he moved in the
direction from whence he came, the people parting once more to allow
free passage.

I, the aura, felt a very strong desire to hasten after him, feeling the
need to console him, for it is painful for the aged to see promising
youth slip away unfruitful. I did in fact take a step or two forward,
then turned back to find myself alone. My inner power, my essence was
gone, I knew not where.

Even though my teaching had prepared me for this situation it felt
somewhat strange to be standing alone, unseen by those about me ... yet
my inspiration, our leader, had seen me.

Then my colleagues arrived on the scene, and two of my friends, more
advanced in metaphysics than the others, looked down at my body then
directly up at me saying. "Loliad, we are sorry for this thing at our
feet, but happy for thee. No longer needst thou leave the body in
custody to search for the education thou so passionately desire. Would
that we could accompany you on your journey. Perhaps we shall meet when
we come to thee, though I know not how to locate thee ..."

I stood silently, being unable to reply. For I was not yet accustomed
to communication without the aid of a preconscious or conscious mind. My
thoughts turned to my family, my wives and dear children. Immediately I
was at home. The pet animal looked up at me, wagging its tail with such
violence it threw itself sideways, so familiar were the vibrations
emitted.

Projecting my thought power towards my family, I managed a brief
communication with their spiritual counterparts, which translated into
conscious thought an awareness of my demise before any other could bring
the news to them. We were a very close family and they turned to each
other in their grief.

Being no longer required within the family group my thoughts turned to
Zadius, my lifelong friend and companion in spiritual adventure. Zadius
was temporarily away from the city at this time. He had elected to
remain a bachelor and travelled widely. When he was in Suerne, my home
was Zadius' home.

So thinking, there I was behind him, trying to breathe heavily down the
back of his neck as had so often happened in the past. He was instantly
aware of my presence. He turned about to be greeted with the thoughts.
"Greetings my Zadius, it is, Loliad".

Even as his eyes stung with grief, his ever ready humour masked any
emotion as he replied.

"So you are the first; how did you do it?"

"I fell."

"You fell! How ignominious. Take care my friend or you will fall from
heaven and come to a worse end ..."

And so we parted. Zadius, warm and intelligent, always finding humour
as a cloak for deep emotion, had used it sometimes a little too
liberally. What an asset he was to The Master's work. How often I find
him reflected in my present pupil. He, like she, put forth every effort
of which he was capable into human evolution, never sparing himself. His
personality was such that he was loved for himself alone wherever he
went. But his heart belonged to The Master, and this love and humility
radiated from him like a flame of fire. Children adored Zadius, and I'm
afraid their older sisters and mothers did likewise, which helped him
not one iota in his constant battle with Ego.

His charm pervades my memory to this day. Once, when we were quite
young, not yet gone to Atlantis, Zadius said to me. "I wonder if you or
I will ever become famous?" Neither of us did. But Zadius' profile is
the one chosen to illustrate THE INNER POWER, so belated as it may be,
that head may still attain a deserving modicum of fame!

I wandered off alone. Still in "spirit" my thoughts and emotions were
bound to Zadius I hesitated to go on, needing to relive our
experiences.

During the period when Zadius and I were studying Metaphysics in
Atlantis, it was deemed essential to have a comprehensive knowledge of
social, physical and spiritual law, which in all covered a vast field.

To test our individual knowledge Zadius and I used to sit, sometimes
for hours, one silent while the other related every scrap of information
he knew concerning these laws, delving into the many facets in which
they were rooted.

Sometimes the discussion would be on the subject dearest to both of us,
when every known fact would be aired. Twenty-four hours was no uncommon
session. I once held Zadius silent, though perhaps not spellbound, for
five full days and nights with water as our sole sustenance. Such was my
friendship with Zadius.

During the course of my earthly education I had been privileged to
"pass through" on many occasions. Not all metaphysical students had
success in this endeavour, and much of mine was due to the wisdom of our
most reversed teacher who, in these well remembered words, had stressed
the vital importance of inner development as opposed to learning.

"To me it has been given of Supreme Being, to teach thee those things
that are without, being as they are of no avail to the voice within,
except that you may better understand that voice. The knowledge that
comes from without may fade away, but inner understanding is
imperishable. Herein your passport to the Spirit World ..."

For a normal adult it is impossible (well almost impossible) to attain
the degree of purity of thought required to "pass through". With
humanity in its present state of confusion, even newly born earthlings
have a great deal to overcome in such a quest. But this need not be
cause for alarm or despair. Though unattainable to present generations,
those who follow will become successively stronger, until transition
from the physical to the spiritual dimension will be freely accessible
to all. From henceforth each generation should be living for the
improvement of the next, so giving collective purpose to life.

When each individual adult examines every thought, word and deed to see
whether these will have a beneficial effect on the younger generation,
censoring anything which fails to meet this requirement, the tide of
human evolution will turn, gathering momentum with each passing decade.

I, Loliad, with the help of wonderful teachers and with much personal
effort, had "passed through" the veil many times. But in each instance
it had been as a visitor beholding afterlife. Now, in death, I had come
to stay.

I paused upon the threshold, slightly bewildered. Hadn't experience
shown me others who, having died, were living out their dreams of
greatest desire? Why did I then hesitate? Having previously been shown
others in remorse for gross earthly errors what had I to fear? Had I not
given my all? Was my purity not so complete that I had crossed this
borderline before, then gone back?

Knowing how others glowed in a state of ecstasy when preparing to leave
the Outer Darkness to enter upon the First Level of Understanding,
surely I could anticipate nought but joy and happiness in my new
dimension. Why then was I hesitating?

Many hold back, many know fear, some, even yet, tend to think of
revenge. But most new arrivals are in the throes of self pity, having
lost something they had come to consider part of themselves. Mournfully
they repeat over and over again. "This is not what I was taught on Earth
to expect of afterlife."

Some are engrossed in misplaced affection. Like the parent who hates to
leave the vicinity of a beloved child. Usually those contacted at
seances, having passed into the dimension of spirit, have halted for
some reason or another and are held between Earth and the Outer
Darkness.

Yet knowing all this and much more, still I hesitated, reluctant to
surge ahead. Devoid of body, at a vibrational scale too high to be
contained in flesh, yet still part of that body since I could manifest
myself to friends at will. But what profiteth they if I do so? Did I
know more now than before to give to them? Why then this reluctance to
depart?

The answer came to me like a sudden burst of light, I simply knew the
reason.

I had carried into after life a fear of which my physical consciousness
had bee quite unaware. Scientist, Metaphysician, Teacher, Student; being
all these it was natural though not spiritual for me to carefully
analyse this fearful reaction.

Had I not lent myself to many experiments, the outcome of which could
have brought an abrupt end to my life ... without question? Yes, but my
life had been dedicated to a study of the world of spirit. No, it was
not fear of death that was holding me back. I had been "dead" before.

Thus I sat theorizing, trying to find a cause for my nameless feeling
of apprehension, knowing full well that fear is an effect.

Then I became aware of a good deal of activity going on all about me;
though I was alone, enclosed on all sides by a gossamer veil that
permitted the sound of motion by many others to penetrate, but was
impenetrable by me, being opaque. Thus I was aware of the activity but
not part of it.

Loliad, the scientist, wanted to insist that the surrounding activity
should be part of my study, suggesting that this would enhance my powers
of comprehension regarding my own dilemma. Yet I was held to immobility,
aware of neither hunger nor thirst, fascinated to watch as a
kaleidoscope of my life's events passed before me. Every emotion
experienced was relived, sometimes over and over again, with no apparent
sequence of events.

Gradually, after much repetition, many of these pictures and their
accompanying emotions took on a slightly different aspect as I relived
the original event. A spoken reply, thought, sight, sound or odour etc.
This subtle change was brought about by my own slightly changing
attitudes. A reply worded to give a slightly shifted emphasis on the
meaning; a thought put into practise with a more willing attitude.

These emotional experiences took me from the birth pangs received by my
mother as I entered the world, to my sensations at a hasty departure. I
"saw" the thoughts my mother had been thinking as I lay in her womb. I
realised how my own puny little mind had been influenced by her wisdom
and how, in later life it had been like the root of a word that had
changed its meaning, spelling and usage through many generations.

Through this process of living and reliving again in truth, it was made
clear to me that I had been guilty of giving more to one than to
another. Had taken from those who offended my earthly senses and given
more to others whom I especially admired, or who could slake my personal
thirst for knowledge. I had thought the "Enlightened One" superior; thus
by the same token must have considered others inferior -- though Ego
would never reveal this subtlety.

I realized that in a few cases I had given nothing, and had received
less than nothing; for that which I had to give them was taken away from
me, and now was the time to balance the ledger of my earthly activity.

At the beginning of a lifetime each is given the power to love as
Supreme Being bestows a spark of Himself. This power is not according to
Nature's standards, for the physical has no standard beyond varying
degrees of like. Spiritual love might be termed the King of emotions,
for all other scales of emotion are subservient. And because are
emotion is a magnetic vibration, endowed by Spirit, it has greater
vibrational strength than natural emotions which cannot go beyond the
Black Light scale (985 + 10¹⁵ V.P.S.)

In spiritual love the power of Spirit is involved, therefore there can
be no emotional experience surpassing this love. This being so, one
cannot ration the emotion by giving more to one and less to another, and
none at all to some. In attempting to do this, one takes from all alike,
for the purity of love cannot entertain any thoughts of inequality of
distribution. Therefore mine had been a loveless life.

And so I learned that to experience the emotion of real love one must
give to all alike. Any who offends the senses (Ego) commits an offence
against Nature's product, like. Thus no spiritual harm is done except to
the perpetrator of the offence who is giving nothing, therefore loses
that which he once had to give. For unexercised talents deteriorate and
are taken away.

There is no harder lesson for humanity to grasp than the concept of
love as embodied in Love.

Clouded as the preconscious is, ego, must first be satisfied that there
is personal advantage to be gained before it will give. Living by its
"likes" Ego must first be satisfied. But spirit does not release the
emotion of love for the benefit of Ego: only for the benefit of another
spirit. Any personal satisfaction to the receiver or the giver is
coincidental. However the release of this emotion becomes significant in
that it is returned, not necessarily by the recipient, but by the
Originator.

"As thou doest unto the least of these, so hath thou done it unto Me".
He explains. Any vibration of love then, is returned in overflowing
measure that the giver may have more talent to give.

Ego distorts emotion for self-advantage or self-satisfaction. Spirit
dispenses its vibrations in humility, seeking no return but the joy of
giving.

Had Zadius been with me at this time it would have been as in our
younger days when we discoursed for hours at a time. For here was a
truth we had not fully explored. Alas Zadius was not with me.

Thinking of him caused me to re-examine myself once again with this new
facet of understanding now at my command, enabling me to understand my
feeling for Zadius from an emotional viewpoint.

Now it came to me that my fear and hesitation stemmed from my feeling
for Zadius. I had endeavoured to give him more than to any other, and in
so doing had created an emotional fear; not for Zadius, but for the lose
to myself at our parting.

I saw how, on my part, our friendship had deteriorated. My bondage to
Zadius' attentive respect had never been a conscious awareness. I
remembered the requirements of our tutors in early childhood, that we
form no individual friendships with other pupils; their wisdom was
beyond our ken and so we chose to ignore this advice.

On reliving our association, I realised that Zadius had been aware of
my weakness yet had kept this a closely guarded secret, (the degree of
harmony we shared made the consciousness of either readily available to
the other). How much better a man he was in this respect; for all my
obvious brilliance in the art of understanding human psychology.

Zadius knew true humility both before Spirit and fellow man. While I
knew humility to Deity and any fellow man who proved himself more
knowledgeable than I -- respecting intellect before equality.

My friend had known love; this realization instigated a further
self-searching session in relationship to Zadius' life, which soon
brought to light the fact that love was not only giving but also
forgiving. Zadius had forgiven my trespasses against him without ever
mentioning it.

If forgiving is also an aspect of love, then to forgive must also
release the maximum emotion. Here an act that satisfies Ego to the
utmost, yet keeps it still the servant. To forgive does not necessarily
mean to forget, quite contrary to logic, remembering the forgiveness
adds to the strength of the love expended in forgiving.

Once more revelation seemed to burst upon me, as I saw, for the first
time, the deeper meaning of Divine Justice. In understanding the true
purpose of forgiveness, I realised that not to forgive is an injustice
to self, creating emotional bondage which in no way cripples the
unforgiven. But at the same time, I knew that to forgive does not
expiate the deed requiring forgiveness, for this must still be atoned
for by the perpetrator. Thus forgiveness brings joy. But grave
spiritual insult lies in any faint hankering for revenge.

With this last revelation still fresh in my mind, it seemed as if a
weight was lifted from me. I rose up, no longer hesitant; but eager to
pass through the now parted veil into light. I knew Love.

Great astonishment dawned upon me on discovering that I was past my
period of remorse and now ready for the first of seven levels.

How much time had elapsed you might wonder. Time? Time is relevant only
to the actions of the body; no more than a yard stick, a measure of
things experienced during its lapse. Where does time fit into the
lifespan of the lesser creatures with scarcely more than a few hours or
days in which to live out their life cycle?

In retrospect time means no more than its relativity to the lifespan.
In eternity, time becomes totally irrelevant. In Earth years however, I
had now been dead for nearly one thousand years.

Never fear to pass over into the spiritual dimension my friends. Here
your dearest desires are realized ... forever if you so wish. Yours is
the free choice. The only anguish or punishment will be self imposed
while in the outer darkness. For the one prerequiste for entrance to
the first level of the Spiritual World is an understanding of Love.

Death negates time. The pity is not that any length of time must be
spent in Outer Darkness, where a thousand earth years might pass as a
moment, ten thousand years as a day. The pity is that so many thousand
years have passed and the highly rated intelligence of man has led him
so little distance along the road of understanding that he not only
hesitates in Outer Darkness, but misses so much of the intended joys of
life on earth.

Man's potential ability is still largely incomprehensible to him. Faith
alone could make a giant out of any individual. Faith in self, combined
with an even greater faith in one's Guide. Deity does not require that
you first put faith in Him. He knows that many unfoldings of
consciousness are necessary for Him to become comprehensible to
humanity. The Guide hovers as a mediator twixt man and Master. Faith
implicitly placed in the Guide is as faith in Him.

Listen to your Guide. He will teach you that in life, love is giving
and forgiving in thought, word and deed. Any less achievement is a
clear indication that you err and have never experienced the joy of
loving despite all egotistical protestations to the contrary.